Soudouki (Part Two)

It’s been weeks since this happened. The Reunion show came and went. You know the story of what took place on that night. I believe that the tale I’m about to tell you now - the one I’ve been reluctant to go into detail about - was an important factor towards the outcome. If I didn’t meet her on this day, I do wonder how the match would have turned out.

Whatever the case, these are the notes I made of that time.

-----

It all begins with two simple words.

“Hello, Sou.”

The sun glitters upon her blue and red highlighted hair, and she turns to face me. Years ago, on this very same walkway, she smiled at me. Today, she scowls.

“Christopher,” she finally spits, my name delivered as though it were an insult.

I walk up to her, trying to bridge the gap that has become so much more than just physical. She bristles as I do so.

“No closer,” she narrows her eyes, “Not after last time.”

I sigh. Last time indeed. I never was the type to hit a woman, but Soudouki had pushed me. She’d single-handedly chased Melanie out of my life that day. It doesn’t justify what I did though; not in the least.

“I apologise for that,” I tell her, and I mean it, “It wasn’t right of me.”

“Too little too late, Reto,” she hisses, “You know I can never forgive you for it.”

I feel tempted to bring up my reasons, but I figure it’s not worth it. There’s no need to argue over who was in the wrong, not if we want to get anywhere.

“I wouldn’t expect that of you. Frankly, I’m surprised you didn’t press charges.”

“And get you locked up so you couldn’t be destroyed by David Shand?” she actually laughs bitterly, “Not on your life, boy. I’d never deny myself the pleasure of seeing that.”

I let that one slide too. I need to make some headway here so we can talk like real people, at least for this one time.

“Thank you, by the way,” I tell her, “For agreeing to come out here, I mean.”

She snorts derisively, and turns to face the ocean, “That is all I agreed to. Do not expect me to hold a conversation with you. I will, however, allow you to humiliate yourself before me. If you wish to get on your knees to plead for my forgiveness, go right ahead. It will get you nowhere, but I will enjoy it.”

I feel myself starting to get annoyed. I can’t help it; the Soudouki standing here is the exact same one as I saw that day in the gym. It’s that arrogant, over-the-top bitch archetype that wouldn’t feel genuine had I not already known her. Her snobbish side always did get on my nerves, but she seems to have amplified it during our time apart.

“I heard about the match,” I allow myself to comment, and a grin sneaks onto my face, “Seems you had a bit of an off-day.”

That snaps her into attention. She twirls around, both eyes wide with anger. I didn’t want to have to go down this route – we’re supposed to be mature here – but it’s all I can do. Besides, it’s damned effective.

“A fluke,” is all she has to say, her eyes locked onto me.

“Excuse me?”

“A simple fluke, and nothing more,” her voice lowers as she goes on, “Such fortune will not be available to Miss Riggs at Reunion. She will be revealed for the blind squirrel that she is.”

“Interesting,” I reply, and it seems that sarcasm just won’t leave my voice, “It’s just remarkable how a fluke could cause you to tap out.”

Her eyebrows shoot down like arrows and her lipstick-coated mouth crumples in anger.

“I did no such thing,” she insists, but it’s clear that she’s full of it, “Soudouki Kobayashi does not quit.”

“Please, you’ve quit plenty of times,” I smirk, “Take a look at our relationship for example.”

“I would dispense with that tone if I were you, Christopher,” her voice lowers deeper, almost to that level from December, and she gives me the deathglare to end all deathglares. This time it’s not dripping with creepy malice, but it’s close.

As she does so, that creeping feeling jogs into my gut and pulls me right off my pedestal. I’d avoided it when the conversation began, but that look of hers brings it right back to the forefront. I practically cower involuntarily.

“What concern do you have for the questionable achievements of Melanie anyway?” she turns again to set her vicious eyes on the sea, her voice switching back to normal, “Last I checked, she had abandoned you.”

“True; and we both know who was responsible for that,” I fight back, able to do so now her gaze is fixed elsewhere.

“Why yes,” she chuckles humourlessly, “That would be you.”

I’m stopped right in my tracks. Of course, it was her big reveal about me that led to it, but the reminder of what happened recently pushes me forward again.

“Perhaps,” I admit, “But that didn’t stop her from coming back.”

Again she spins around, setting those eyes on me, “She did what?”

“At which point I explained myself,” I smile at her, “And she understood. Things are pretty much back to normal now.”

“Nonsense,” she snarls, “Even Melanie is not such a fool to believe your excuses.”

“I gave no excuses, Soudouki,” I tell her, my expression and tone serious, “Just told her the truth.”

“That you used me?” she explodes suddenly, her voice increasing in volume and her arms now swinging with every word, “That the entirety of our time together was a means for you to live out your Teresa fantasy? Did she accept all of that?”

“It wasn’t like that,” I firmly tell her, trying not to be intimidated by her outburst, “My unresolved issues with Teresa affected our relationship; that’s all.”

“Affected?!” her voice rises even higher, and I’m just thankful that nobody else is walking across this pier to witness this, “You willingly led me on just because I looked like her! I was just a runner-up prize to you!”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I frown, getting a little sick of her assertions at this point, “It was all subconscious and I never meant for you to be hurt!”

“You pretended that I was her, didn’t you?” her voice has been reduced to a low, bitter hiss and she’s pacing closer to me now, “Especially in the bedroom!”

“Oh for crying out loud, Sou!” I shout, accidentally using my old nickname for her, “It wasn’t that! Why are you so set on making me out to be some sort of pervert?”

“Because it’s easier that way!” she blurts out, and suddenly goes quiet upon realising what she just said.

We’re both surprised by that one, “...Hang on, what do you mean by that?”

She quickly clears her throat and carries on, “What I meant to say is... that’s what it is. You’re a filthy male who took me for a ride. Just another foolish moron in my long line of unfortunate relations. You were ruled by your hormones, just like the rest.”

“Wait a minute, Soudouki...”

“JUST,” she turns to me and again it’s that voice, and that horrifying look in her eyes, “like the rest.”

I almost cower again. What is it with that tone? It’s like she becomes a whole other person. I remember when she overpowered Melanie and it was on full display, far thicker and disturbing than now. I want to press her about what she said before, but I’m feeling reluctant after that.

Still... it’s easier that way? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Whatever the case, I’ll play her game for a little longer.

“This is coming from the woman who cheated on me with her ex,” I can’t stop myself from countering with, as soon as I’ve recovered. This is all so petty, but I’ll keep it up for now. I can’t let her get the advantage.

“As a result of you losing interest in me,” she responds, getting right back on track, “I don’t consider myself even slightly in the wrong; at that point I considered our relationship effectively over anyway. I just hadn’t informed you of it right away.”

“Andy paid me a visit not too long ago,” I come back with, trying to stay afloat in this argument, “Seems you left him out to dry in the end too.”

“It wasn’t meant to be,” she shrugs, “He made for a pleasant distraction, though. I needed some time with a real man after babysitting you for so long.”

It’s clear that she’s in charge again, even if she’s obviously painting a false veneer. It’s strange for her to try to cover up; she’s usually so frank. That moment of weakness from a moment ago... I have to provoke it out of her again. I just need to keep on pushing. Maybe I’ll get somewhere when I do...

That’s when it hits me. This is as much a match as the one I have scheduled with David. We’re competing as we speak! She’s trying her best to maintain offence against me and disguise her weaknesses, while I’m countering them as I go, looking for openings.

I suppose it’s to be expected from a fellow pro wrestler. Come to think of it, this hasn’t been the first time we’ve been in such a situation. Well, it’s fine by me, since I always knew this would be a fight.

“Do you know why I wanted to talk to you today, Soudouki?” I change the subject, striking back with a new tactic, “I mean, aside from watching you try so hard to maintain your façade.”

She visibly tenses as I say that, but attempts to gloss over it, “I have a fair idea why. How about you confirm my suspicions?”

“In a few weeks, I will be facing David Shand,” I set up my offence, “I can’t allow myself to be distracted. That’s why we need to sort out our issues.”

“These are more than just issues, Christopher!” she exclaims strongly, “The very fact that we’ve been at each other’s throats before you could even explain that says it all!”

“Perhaps so, and I don’t exactly expect us to make up today,” I admit, stepping back to prepare for my next move, “However, we need to get through this barrier between us. That way we can at least have some peace of mind.”

“You make it sound so easy,” she snidely comments; attempting to parry my strike.

“I know; it’ll be hard,” I shrug, “We can at least try though, can’t we?”

“I don’t believe I should have to,” she informs me, guardedly, “You haven’t earned the right to talk to me as an equal.”

“Sou, please,” I try to keep her from taking full control.

“Not a chance, Christopher,” her eyes fall upon me in that all-too-familiar manner, “I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but I actually despise you. Why would I want to help you in any way? You say you want no distractions? That’s too bad. You should’ve thought about that before stringing me along in that masquerade of a relationship knowing full well you couldn’t commit. Now that will remain forever on your mind; the fact that you hurt me because of your own selfish desires.”

“But who are you trying to kid?” she continues on, laying this verbal beating on me relentlessly, “Distractions or no distractions, you cannot beat him. David Shand is superior to you in every way; you’re but a mere worm in comparison to his greatness. You will lose, and be brutally beaten in the process. That is your fate.”

“You’re wrong, Soudouki,” I fire back, dazed though I feel by that onslaught, “I can beat him. That’s what I’ve always said; I can. And I will. Nobody can tell me otherwise. I’ve trained; I’ve pushed myself to a whole new level. Even if I’m not at a hundred percent, even if I still have to deal with our unfinished business going in because you’re too petty to try and fix this, I will still defeat him.”

“Petty?” she spits, “You call the victim of a farce like I had to endure petty? No, Christopher. I am not petty. I won’t aid you because you don’t deserve it. Simple as that.”

I’m getting frustrated, but I stand my ground, “Oh, quit portraying yourself as the victim here. I’ve suffered just as much as you.” I’m hoping I can coax something out of her by keeping on.

“You can’t even begin to imagine what I’ve been through,” she scowls, “And what I’ve had to do just to cope.”

I feel a twinge, as though a bad premonition has struck me, not that I believe in such things, “What do you mean?”

“Soft toys. Clothing. Souvenirs. All manner of gifts,” she says, and the nature of her voice changes again, “Burned, smashed, utterly destroyed. Every last one. We had a room full of them, as you may recall.”

I feel as though I’ve been hit with one of Brummy’s sledgehammer shots right to the gut. This strike is not fair. It’s all I can do not to double over from the pain I’m experiencing; the creeping feeling has nothing on this.

“You... did... what?!” I painfully force out.

Her reaction is one of what I’m almost certain is sadistic pleasure, “I stamped them all out of existence. Especially that pathetic cuddly penguin you bought me during our first week together. That was the last one I tore apart. It’s funny; it almost looked as though it was sad.”

I’m wounded by this. It might seem ridiculous, but I’ve always been the kind of person to take joy in the smallest things, and that includes the gifts that we shared. She has me at her mercy now.

“Why would you even do that?” I growl, and for some reason, a strange empathy washes through me; as though I’m not the only person who has experienced pain like this lately. It’s an odd feeling that soon passes, replaced by further stomach-churning misery as Soudouki continues her attack.

“Because looking at all those things just reminded me of what a sham our time together was,” the words drip out from her mouth, but they don’t sound angry: they’re still in that slow, deliberate tone that is slick with twisted enjoyment, “So they had to die.”

I want to fall to my knees. This can’t be right. Even Soudouki wouldn’t tarnish our memories like that. She may have changed, but this is too much. For a moment, I almost wonder if the being that peeks from underneath her now – the one with the chilling expression and otherworldly voice - really IS what she’s become.

Then, another realisation.

Whenever I find myself in a dire situation, I manage to pull myself through with the aid of that voice; the one I’ve not heard for a while now. He’s still absent from my mind. I look at Soudouki, and it becomes very clear...

...That between every sentence, she is quietly mumbling to herself. Her lips are barely moving, but I see it. That is when I work it out.

“What’s your name?” I ask weakly, my voice still wracked with emotional pain.

The tone flickers away as she responds with confusion, “Excuse me?”

“You. The inner you,” I reply, “The one who’s been saying all these horrible things.”

“I have no idea what you’re babbling about, Christopher,” she narrows her eyes, back to her usual voice, “Anyway, I told you that I refuse to help, so...”

“You’ve got the same damn thing, haven’t you?” I growl, cutting her off, “You never took it seriously when I told you about Worldbelonger back then, but look at you now!”

Her eyes widen and she starts to turn away, “T-This has gone on long enough. Goodbye, Christopher.”

“Look at what’s happened!” I insist, my voicing rising in anger, taking this chance while I still can, “Every time you’ve been on the ropes lately, you adopted that whole new personality! You’re doing the exact same thing that I’ve done!”

Soudouki looks incredibly uncomfortable now, and doesn’t know how to respond for once. I’m on to her. I know she has a Worldbelonger too. This is really weird, as I wondered the same thing about Melanie, but it’s the only explanation. It’s a completely bonkers explanation, but I’ll take it.

“You’re using your inner self - that voice inside - as a coping mechanism!” I exclaim, my comeback in full effect now, “So I ask again, Inner Soudouki. What’s your name?”

She turns, albeit reluctantly. Her voice stutters out, but I hear it clearly enough.

“S-Stupid. I don’t give it a name like you do. It’s just the real Soudouki. The Soudouki that lies under this makeup.”

She gestures about her face, and turns around more forcefully now, gaining momentum and confidence as the words come out, “The one that always has to put on a false face just to make people happy. Whether it’s as the spoiled diva, Osaka’s Pearl, or as the amiable little Sou-chan. So many masks!”

“Masks...?” I ask, getting a feeling of déjà vu.

Her emotions are flaring up now as this all comes to the surface, and tears are forming in her eyes, “And I have to! Nobody wants to see who I really am! You certainly didn’t; you were too fixated on my fucking sister!”

“Bullshit,” I tell her frankly, fighting back for all I’m worth, “I saw you for exactly who you were, for better and for worse! That persona you rely on isn’t the real you; there’s no way the Soudouki I knew was like that inside!”

And it is now that she jumps onto me; literally.

She lets out a shriek and lays into me with slaps. It’s as though she’s a burst reservoir, spilling out over me.

“How would you know?! You don’t really know me!! You are so full of shit, Christopher!!” her words are becoming slurred as sobs get in the way, and she continues to slap me, “You’ve put me through so much and for what?! Just to continue a stupid lie?! You’re nothing but a traitor!! You did this to me!!”

“Did WHAT to you?” I ask between slaps, doing all I can not to lose my temper any more.

“You... you...!” she doesn’t give me an answer. Instead she continues to assault me. It’s obvious that she doesn’t trust herself to say anything else in this moment of emotion; not after the last slip. It’s impressive how she’s able to cut herself off in spite of everything.

Unfortunately for her, it’s just the break I needed.

I catch her arm before she can slap my already-sore cheek again. This doesn’t stop her from connecting with her free hand. I grunt in reaction and shove her off me; not too hard, but enough to create some distance.

She doesn’t go after me again. She stays on the wooden floor; legs sprawled and head down, her vibrant hair covering her face. Soft sobs are audible even under the constant squawks of seagulls and the crashing of waves. I know this is my only opportunity to put an end to this, and there’s only one way I can do that.

One way I should have thought of a long time ago.

“I’m sorry, Sou.”

This hasn’t been my first apology tonight, but this one meant a lot more. She turns her head to me, mascara-streamed face giving me a glare, but there’s no power behind this one.

“I’m sorry I hurt you so much,” I sigh deeply, “Whether I meant to or not, I did that. Whatever you’ve become now, it’s my fault. You may not be innocent, in fact you’ve made your fair share of mistakes, but I have to accept responsibility for what I’ve done.”

There’s a silence between us. The waves and gulls sound even louder to me now. I shuffle in place uncomfortably. Finally, I hear her words.

“Damn it.”

Her fist hits the wooden plank beneath her.

“That is the worst apology I’ve ever heard,” she eventually grumbles, her voice still shaky, and she sniffs hard before continuing, “Jesus though, Chris. Don’t take credit for everything.”

I hear her hand tap against the walkway, “You win.”

Wait, what?

I’m taken aback. Did it actually work? Have I finally broken through to her? The very concept seems too good to be true; I’ve wanted that for so long that it’s seemed like an unattainable goal to me.

She stands up slowly, brushing off her coat. She then clears her throat and leans against the metal barrier of the walkway.

“T-That’s all I wanted. I needed you to admit you were in the wrong,” she says in awkward manner, “I... I know I’ve done bad things too. I’m a selfish brat; I’ve admitted that much and any attempts at justifying it are nothing less than laughable.”

“Sou...” is all I can bring myself to say. I briefly see something in her eyes. It’s a look I’ve not bore witness to in many years. It’s... one of real happiness. Where did that come from?

“Listen. Chris,” she starts to say, not looking directly at me, “I’m sorry. Not just for putting you through crap as well. Not just for being unfaithful. But for lying.”

“You mean...?”

She shakes her head, “That’s not the real me. Not really. Just a... representation of my inner self; hell, an exaggeration.”

I was right. It’s the exact same thing as me. That image, unsettling though it was, dark though it may have seemed, was a fabrication.

“I took the idea from you,” she goes on, “I... I’d use that other personality to deal with problems. I’ve been doing it for a while now; it’s the only way I could overcome Melanie that one time. It’s worked out quite well.”

A sigh escapes her lips.

“But it’s really not me,” she admits, “It’s just a mask.”

“I know all about masks,” I nod.

“I’ve... I’ve never stopped being the Soudouki you knew,” she tells me, finally gaining the strength to set her eyes on mine, “But that’s just one side. I’m a childish, self-obsessed bitch. I tried to deny who I really was when we were together, and that hurt our relationship too. I feel as though... those two sides to me can’t coexist. Osaka’s Pearl and Sou-chan, as I call them; it’s either one or the other.”

She inhales deeply and carries on, “I’ve only realised this recently. I didn’t want to come to terms with it but...”

She trails off, unsure of what to say. The mighty Soudouki Kobayashi has become vulnerable; uncertain. Just as I remember her from those weaker moments; the imperfect human who I once loved.

She shakes her head again, this time vehemently, “Ugh; I simply can’t put this into words. Perhaps I need more time.”

I shrug my shoulders, “I understand. Maybe we can talk again. I’m just happy we’ve got this far.”

With that, she begins to walk away, now facing towards the harbour, “Listen, I have to go. I need to prepare to defeat Melanie. Regardless of what has transpired between us today, I still have to regain my pride against that woman. I trust you understand that as well.”

I nod again. I’m not happy with the concept of those two fighting, but I know Melanie can handle herself. Besides, I of all people should be aware of how important proving one’s self is.

She turns quiet again, before finally speaking up.

“Good luck, Christopher,” she says, “Or should I say... try not to die out there against David. We have unfinished business and I’ll be displeased if we don’t get the chance to settle it.”

“Good luck yourself, Sou.”

All of a sudden, she’s pacing back at me. “Ah, for god’s sake,” she mumbles as she does so, and in a moment I can barely believe, she gives me a single peck on the cheek.

“That’s just to make up for the abuse,” she grumbles and looks away right after doing it, “Take care.”

And just like that, she filters off into the crowd of tourists outside of the pier, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

One of those thoughts in particular is that it’s gone. That creeping feeling. That gnawing sensation deep within my gut that’s been tormenting me for so many years now. It’s ceased to be, and in its place is a strong, burning desire. A desire to make everything right; both in the ring and out of it.

I feel confident, even more so than before. I feel as though I can look at myself again.

I feel as though I know myself.

I’ve achieved one victory. Though we’ve not settled everything, I think we’ve made incredible progress today. That alone is enough for me; at least for now. Now it’s time for me to focus on my next victory.

It all begins with two simple words.

“I’m ready.”

OOC: Sorry this took so long. I had a little trouble getting this one right. Hope you guys enjoy it!

OOC: That was really great. A very good wrap up to their story.

In fact, I find that some of the relationship bits in this saga of Chio, Mel, and Sou seem to have some distinct undertones of the way the relationship story in Scott Pilgrim vs The World builds and plays. Not saying if that was intentional or even apparent, just saying it reminds me of some aspects.

Now, here comes something unfortunate.

I really hate to say this, and it makes me feel like a huge failure, and an irresponsible douche to have to say this as well... but I just can't finish writing that match.

I can at least do the next best thing.

I should have actually done this a day and a half ago, when I was thinking i'd have to stoop to this (I had to clean my apartment to have my house inspected and be up to code, else I would have done this yesterday), but very soon, I will write a post full of all of the plans, a list of many of the spots I hoped to get in, all of the eliminations, a general outline of the match flow, and the planned finish.

I'll be writing an "abridged" nutshell version of the more important things that were going to take place, so everyone will get the story and everything it was supposed have.

I had a very specific finish in mind (in fact I even told Chris what it was), and it involves Melanie and Sou's story. So even though I really fucked up with writing this, I can still give everyone everything that a PPV results blurb would explain about what went down in that match.

I'm sorry it came to this, and i'm even sorrier that I was terrible at getting done what needed to be done, and what I promised I would.

I'm going to be kicking myself about this for a while, and anyone who is very disappointed in me, I can only say that I agree with you, and I deserve any and all criticism for messing this up so badly.

Nevertheless, I'll be writing that "results" version up very soon, so everyone will know how it should have gone.

ooc: Brilliant as always, and a perfect way to bring it to a close. Its been a superb bit of storytelling. Well done.

OOC: Thanks David. I intend to write some epilogue stuff a little later. I hope we see some closure from your character too.

Also Mike, if it's really causing you that much strife, why not run it by me? I can see if I can make a match out of it.

I've been thinking about where the character could go from there. Any closure would probably need to include both Myron and Matt's characters due to what happened just before the show, and TBH I haven't a clue what direction it should go in. My focus was on making him a heel for the Chio match and perhaps showing a couple of cracks in his composure so that he wasn't totally superhuman, but as to where he goes now....? pfftt, gawd knows

I'm up for a bit of after show writing. I'll drop you a message this week and we can bounce some ideas.

ooc: news. I am working on a blend of what I had written on the women's match, and a results version, that shows everything that happens.

I am almost done! Hooray!

I think this is going to please everyone, including me. So far, it's a combination of everything I had so far, and merely describing what happens and how it goes, instead of adding those extra flourishes, it is a basic play by play. Some of it will come off as rather flat, however.

Also, i'm not adding commentary, and all that. But it is a nearly move for move description of everything still and it's coming along well. It's not as in-depth, but it will still be everything that happens.

I'm doing it quickly, but I'll have it up real soon.

Good work Chris, I've always thought you were a brilliant writer. Everything you've produced has exceeded expectations. You should look into a career of creative writing. A man with skills like yours could make a lot of moolah.

julius seizure wrote:

Good work Chris, I've always thought you were a brilliant writer. Everything you've produced has exceeded expectations. You should look into a career of creative writing. A man with skills like yours could make a lot of moolah.

I agree 100% with this.

You could write books, Chris. Fucking books. I'd buy 'em, too.

I'd expect free, signed copies

I think there's no doubt that Chris could write books, but then he isn't the only one; I think generally we have some very good writers here, as a group.

Its just nice to know that there are still people out there that appreciate the power and impact that writing can have, and who are willing to put themselves out to produce stuff, and take the risk of throwing it out there for other people to see and comment on. I've said this before, but it takes some degree of courage to do that, so I'm really pleased that we are all doing it, and producing such great stuff as a result. Creativity is a gift we all share, and its a fantastic thing.

Some people like to think that in today's world with the convenience of modern communication, and the way its changing language, that there's no time anymore, and no interest, in real writing. I rather like that we are using modern technology to buck that trend.

I agree with David, it's a rare sight to see so much hard work put into prose these days, especially original stuff.

I think this has been a fantastic project overall, and I've had a ridiculous amount of fun working alongside you guys. Everybody has really come a long way since the old e-fedding days and I honestly think the work produced for this show has been excellent standalone fiction.

Truth be told, I'd love to write with you guys again.

Well, never say never.

I wonder if we could work on a similar role-playing project set in a different world. Actually taking the same basic characters: Shand as the dark overlord, Fox as the Elfin Prince, Chio as the underdog hero, Joxide as the disillusioned world traveller, Rob as the angry man trying to make a normal life, Fireball as the wronged brother, etc etc, but fit it into a fantasy setting.

It may be because I've been playing too much Dragon Age II lately, but the basic characters could fit.

I wanna write a book and get it on the market. With riches come bitches!

I'd be interested in collaborating in something like that.

Interesting idea, that. I'm all for alternative interpretations.

All the more reason for me to try Dragon Age, I think! I'd need inspiration!

You need to buy Dragon Age II. Brilliant game.

play both of them! I rate them both very highly...I even got DS playing!

As for the eflin prince, that's what I normally play when I do play RP games! I do agree with the fits, though. They say that there archtypes in stories and I think we cover a fair number.