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Mjolnir

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PostSubject: The 2nd Press Conference   Wed Jan 26, 2011 7:27 am

The scene fades up on a large ballroom at a swanky London hotel. Ornate plaster ceilings disappear way above our heads, and large cut glass chandeliers hang from gilded chains. Thick carpet is underfoot and rich woods panel the walls. It’s an expensive room.

At one end sits a raised stage which is bedecked in the red and black logos of the CXA. Huge hangings on either side repeat these logos, as do the panel boards at the back of the set. A long black desk stretches across the stage, and in the middle there stands a lectern already covered in assorted microphones from around the world.

In front of the stage, at floor level, a hundred cameramen and sound recordists scramble for the best positions from which to shoot video and still pictures, or to record sound. Amongst them also is the same number of reporters all at the moment on mobile phones and Blackberries, or else shooting pre-tapes and intro pieces into the assembled cameras. There is a buzz of noise in the room as the reporters chat amongst themselves. All are here in expectation of the next major announcement from the CXA about its spectacular reunion show.

Suddenly, a movement on stage catches their eye and everyone turns to face forward. On stage two production assistants carry something out, concealed under a black cloth. They place it down on one side of the black desk, and then hurry off stage. The reporters ask each other for any idea what it is. It’s too big for a championship belt. Perhaps it’s a model of the new set for the show?

Before they can speculate further, loud music starts to pound through the speakers on the stage, and lights above the back panels start to swirl and pulse. Onto the stage steps the grinning figure of the always controversial Robinson Reynard. He thrusts his arms into the air as he walks on, as if soaking up the applause of his audience. Trouble is there is very little in the way of applause for this man. Too many years of arrogance and conceit towards the very people he’s now trying to win over. They are here because they are interested in the show – not out of any desire to see him.

However, that seems lost on Reynard. Strutting to the lectern, he pauses to run a hand down the lapels of his suit, and then a hand through the mop of grey hair on his head, before flashing his best smile

“Thank you, thank you” he drawls in his French-Canadian accent. “Wow. Thanks for that wonderful welcome”

Many exchange looks – what welcome?

“Now, madams et monsieur, esteemed colleagues, fans watching around the world, lets not waste any more time. We know you’re excited about the prospect of the greatest show that the sport of professional wrestling has ever seen, and Mon Amies I can assure you we are just as excited as you are.”

Robinson turns toward the panels behind him, and a graphic appears of My-ron Fox and Rob Arnold.

“At our last press conference, we revealed the first exciting match which has been locked in to our card, pitting the tenacious and dangerous former CWA Champion Rob Arnold against the former TXA Champion, the enigmatic Myron Fox. That was a tremendous match to get us started, but it literally is just the beginning. Over the next few weeks we will continue to reveal more matches, and that continues today. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my absolute and total pleasure to introduce to you the latest names to be added to the card for CXA Reunion…..”

The crowd moves forward in its seat as Robinson goes on.

“Please welcome firstly the former WHWF and TXA Tag Team Champion of the World Reggie Cyde, and his partner, and brother, the former WHWF Tag Team and WHWF World Heavyweight Champion, former TXA Tag Team Champion, former USMMA World Champion, Strike Magazine Man of the Year 2010, Portuguese Film Commission Golden pomegranate nominated actor and star of the new hit action movie “Death before Sunrise” the American hero himself – Homer Cyde”

Now, as the crowd do burst into spontaneous applause, “Born in the USA” blasts from the speakers and Homer and Reggie step onto the stage, with Homer leading. The American Icon is dressed in his best self-promoting gear; a blue track suit with red and white stripes and his familiar “Cyde MMA Gear” logo plastered across the back, a black t-shirt with a red white and blue stylised eagle across the front (plus that logo again), white training shoes, and finally a Cyde MMA gear baseball cap. His 6’5” frame is very well conditioned and muscled, and the deep “Hollywood” tan sets off his cropped blonde hair well. He turns and waves to the crowd, even hitting the odd double bicep pose, and constantly flashes his artificially whitened smile.

Behind Homer, Reggie is a lot more subdued. As tall as Homer, though not as bulky or defined, he sports a light overall stubble on his face, a moustache, and his dark brown hair is tied back behind his head. He’s wearing jeans, black cowboy boots, a thin v-neck sweater, and a leather suit jacket. His eyes are covered with sunglasses. He doesn’t smile, and he does wave. He’s content to leave the showy stuff to his brother.

Before they sit down, Homer moves to the thing sitting on the desk covered in the black cloth. He whips the cloth away, to reveal a full range of Homer Cyde endorsed products – clothing, sports drinks bottles, an action figure, DVDs of his last couple of movies, a workout video, and the Homer Cyde American Eagle Grill. Now he sits down behind them, ensuring of course that whenever the cameras are turned in his direction, they will now have the merchandise in shot.

Applauding for all he is worth, Robinson moves back to the lectern and continues his sales pitch.

“Yes ladies and gentlemen, it is with great pleasure that CXA announces that CA Reunion will include these two men – one of the greatest and most respected tag teams in wrestling history. Brothers who dominated the tag team division here in the UK in the late 90s, and who went on to world-wide success after that. Imagine if you will, the eagerly awaited return to the ring of the now Hollywood superstar and all around American Icon, Homer Cyde.”

Even the keenest journalist is sceptical at the description of Homer as a Hollywood superstar, or an icon. Most of his movies are firmly straight to DVD releases for a start, and won’t trouble the Academy this year. But they allow Reynard to go on.

“But ladies and gentlemen, the CXA did not want to waste two such fantastic talents. These two men are here today not just to confirm any old match…..but instead to issue a challenge!! Now, I think its best if we allow them to explain more”

With that, Robinson steps back and Homer rises from his seat and walks to the lectern.

“Thank you Mr Reynard for that fantastic introduction, and can I say what an undiluted pleasure it is to be back here in the world of professional wrestling, a world which not only do I know well through my numerous accolades and titles, but which I had the pleasure of giving the public and in-depth guide to in my book ‘The All American guide to pro-wrestling’ which is still available from all good book retailers.

“Yes, it gives me great pleasure to be back in this sport and for my brother and I to be involved with such a tremendous company as the CXA. We truly believe that, much like my character of Air Force test pilot Clint Thrustin in my last movie ‘Eagle Strike IV’ – available now on DVD – did with his F18, we can take this sport to the very limits and send it soaring into the clouds.

“Now, as you can clearly see in both myself and my brother Reggie, despite our time absent from the professional wrestling ring, we have both maintained a peak of physical fitness and health thanks to dedication, perseverance, commitment, good diet, and regular exercise – mainly with the aid of the Cyde MMA fitness range of clothing, workout plans, energy drinks, and nutrition bars which are available at all good fitness stockists. We have done this because we think we owe it to our younger fans as role models and, yes I’ll say it, maybe even hero figures.

“But as we look around us at those fans, those smiling faces that dream, just dream, that on one occasion they might be able to speak to an American icon such as myself, that hope that one day they might achieve a single percent of the greatness that my brother and I have achieved. As I look around them and light up their lives by acknowledging their existence, you know the one feeling I feel above anything else?

“I feel disappointment.

“I feel disappointment that in each of those fans I see someone who didn’t have the drive, didn’t have the guts, didn’t have the determination. I see someone who gorged themselves on fast food – your fish and chips for example – instead of lean chicken and vegetables prepared on the new Turbo Xl Screaming Eagle All American Grill which is available now from high street retailers in the UK for just £69.99. I saw someone who sat on his ass on the sofa instead of donning a Cyde MMA Gear track suit – available on my website - and doing some push-ups. I see a disaffected and disillusioned generation of wasters.

“But you know, I don’t blame these kids. I don’t blame them. I blame the people who were supposed to be setting an example. I blame the people who were supposed to be heroes. In short, I blame the rest of my so-called professional wrestlers.

What sort of example have some of these guys set these kids? What sort of image are they portraying? They left wrestling behind and they let their entire lives to hell in a hand cart. Where are they now, what have they been doing with their lives? Where are their workout DVDs and healthy eating plans? Have they kept themselves in shape? Have they showed these kids that you need to be into a good life for the long haul? No, they took the cash and they ran, all disappeared into their own self-obsessed lives to gorge on pizza and talk about their past glories.

“Well ladies and gentlemen of the press, I for one won’t stand for it anymore. I won’t stand by and let my former ‘colleagues’ shame this industry and let our children down. That kind of complacency is wrong, its plain wrong, and by God its anti-American!!

My brother feels the same way, and that is why we have reunited, back together as only family can be, and we have decided to step back into the wrestling ring one more time in order to send out a challenge.

Our challenge is this. We are calling on any two former TXA or CWA wrestlers to get themselves into decent enough shape, and to set foot in the ring against us. Any two that want to think they are up to the job. Prove to us both that there are still some role-models fit to live up to the demands of being a hero. That’s the challenge and that’s the match. Any two you want. Against us, in the middle of that ring. Open challenge.”

Homer looks directly into the camera now as he speaks

“Come on guys, I dare you. Any two you want. Come challenge us!”

With that, Homer sits back down next to Reggie, who shakes his hand as he takes his seat. The reporters are excited by the news and clamour to ask questions and the noise level ramps up rapidly. Before it gets too out of hand, Robinson Reynard steps forward and takes control.

“Ok, ok, calm down. Now Homer and Reggie will take questions. Lets keep this orderly”

Reporters thrust their arms into the air like first graders asking to be excused for the toilet. Robinson picks one.

“Yes, you”

The reporter, who works for Pro Wrestling Illustrated stands up “I’d like to ask both Mr Cydes why, if they want to return to wrestling, they haven’t gone for someone like the WWE, rather than return to this CXA?”

Surprisingly, its Reggie who answers this. He moves the bottle of water he’s bee sipping from away from his mouth and leans into the microphone. In contrast to Homer’s hyperbole, his manner is subdued.

“My brother and I are wrestlers, not cartoon characters. Our interest is in making a point as wrestlers, not being puppets for McMahon. Next”

Another reporter is called. “Reggie, we’ve heard a lot from Homer thus far, not a lot from you. We know what Homer has been doing the last couple of years, but there seems to be very little information on you. Can you fill us in on what you have been up to?”

Reggie takes a slow sip of water, leans forward again, and stares at the reporter as he answers.

“No. Next question”

The reporter persists

“Come on Reggie, people are going to be curious”

“Then they should learn to get used to being disappointed. Next question”

Another reporter jumps in before Robinson can call on him

“I’d like to ask you both, do you really think you are still in ring shape? Homer, you haven’t had a competitive contest since you retired from MMA 14 months ago. You look good for movies, but that’s a long way from ring shape. Are you still sure you can go? And Reggie, you haven’t wrestled in three years, and have been doing God knows what. Are you up to the task yourselves?”

Once again its Reggie that responds.

“Son, if you want to see just how up to it I am, why don’t you step up on this stage right now? I’ll be glad to show you just how ring fit I am!”

Reggie gets up from his seat, and talks down into the mic.

“You parasites have what you want. The challenge is out there. Lets see if anyone has the balls to step up. As far as I’m concerned, this interview is over”

Reggie stalks off the stage, leaving Homer alone and looking like he is desperate to save the situation. He turns and smiles at the reporters.

“Well, obviously my brother is very excited for the match and his adrenaline is flowing already. That’s the competitiveness of a true….competitor and American hero. So….errm. next question.

Another reporter “Homer, can you tell us why you chose to make this challenge here in the UK? Are you specifically looking for UK based wrestlers – of which both the CWA and TXA had many?”

Homer grins at him, putting on the charm again and going back into PR mode. “What’s your name kid, what paper do you work for?”

“I’m Toby Sampson, I work for Radio Five Live”

“Ok, nice to have you here Tony. Well, it just so happens that I need to be here in the UK to complete a few scenes for my latest motion picture release – ‘Hero Wars 3, this time its Personal’ – but actually its incredibly fitting because more than any other country perhaps, the UK has been a pit of complacency and laziness over the past couple of years. Tommy, you people couldn’t even be bothered to get off your sofas and vote in sufficient numbers to elect a proper Government like we do in the good ole’ U S of A. When it snowed here before Christmas you were too lazy to keep your transport infrastructure going. You are a nation of lazy underachievers. Look at how you pissed away your Empire. Thanks to you being too lazy to keep nations under control, you allowed Communism to rise in Eastern Europe for Christ sake. You were even too lazy to win World War 2 without our help!!

So Yes, Terry, we would like to see a British pair of wrestlers step up to the mark. I just won’t hold my breath for it to happen. But hey, maybe I’m wrong. Perhaps out there there’s someone who will want to represent his country and stand up to be a hero”

Once again he looks directly into the camera

“Come on guys, I’m asking you, I’m begging you. Prove me wrong”


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Faulerro

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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Wed Jan 26, 2011 5:23 pm

OOC: This one had me cracking up at several points. Homer is hysterical.
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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Thu Jan 27, 2011 1:01 am

ooc: Thanks. Homer started life in an old e-fed Myron and I used to run with some of our mates, and partly was the invention of a friend who had spent time in the US during his university days and observed all American jocks. Over the years, Myron and I refined the character and becuase our own characters are usually more serious or grandiose, he gives us a chance to blow off some steam. Both of us will write for both Homer and Reggie at various points. Very Happy

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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Thu Jan 27, 2011 10:24 am

Yup. I have an idea for some stuff but I'll get the next Cyberstar one out first...
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Julius Seizure

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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Thu Jan 27, 2011 4:23 pm

Homer Cyde stood boldly at the black desk. If his whiter-than-white, all-American grin was any more broader the top of his head was in danger of toppling off. He was clearly enjoying this press conference. All this merchandise to sell! All these films to plug! The best bit about it all, these guys with cameras and microphones and notepads were lapping it all up. Homer Cyde felt on top of the world. He posed again, his huge muscular arms flexing impressively. At this moment in time he was god. All attention on Homer Cyde! This is the buzz he lived for! Well, almost as much as being in the ring, but it was as good as it gets while not slapping someone around.

"Any more questions!?" Homer asks loudly.

Naturally, following this tirade of abuse on the Great British public, government, armed forces & chefs, there are a few butt hurt journalists. But it doesn't let them stop stepping over each other in attempt to ask a question to this pompous foreigner.

Homer Cyde looks out at the sea of journalists in front of him and points to a guy at the back.

"You there! In the hat. What's your name?"

The man in the hat cups his hands around his mouth to be heard above the bustling crowd.

"Peter. Peter Walker from Horse & Hound magazine, I was just wondering..."

He is cut short by a larger man, gently but forcefully pushing him backwards and away from the spotlight. The larger man raises his voice to shout over to Homer Cyde.

"Yeah, I have a question: SHUT UP!"

Homer Cyde looked understandably confused. Urgh, he thought. There's always one nutter that seems to make it inside. Some heads are going to roll after I speak to security! What the fuck was Horse & Hound magazine anyway? What the hell did that have to do with CXA anyway? Homer remained quiet, unsure of what to do. He was expecting the guy to be escorted away or spoken to or even slapped but nothing. The guy was making his way to the front.

As he got to the front, Homer Cyde could clearly see this guy was no reporter.

He was wearing a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a red Scarface-style Hawaiian shirt. He had long dark hair that was brushed back behind his ears. The man was a few inches taller than most of the reporters and more importantly, a lot more muscular. He looked somehow familiar.

"You DO know that the only reason these people are listening to your incessant horse shite is because there's free cheese & pineapple sticks and cocktail sausages at the back right? Look at that guy!"

The unnamed man points backwards, and sure enough, there's a rather portly young cameraman with a handful of cocktail sausages chewing on a warm sausage roll. He stops chewing and looks around guiltily when everyone turns to see him, like they do in films.

"I mean, do you really believe all that rubbish you're spouting?"

"What!?" barks Homer Cyde. Who does this asshole think he is? thought Homer. Some loser no one's ever heard of, coming here and insulting my legacy, my empire. I should beat a bit of respect into him! Although, he does look kind of familiar...

"You heard me!" the mouthy Englishman replies as he steps onto the stage and approaches the table. "I mean look at all this shit!" he exclaims loudly, picking up Homer Cyde branded baseball cap. He flips it over and looks inside the brim.

Wait... Fuck, I didn't think we'd ever see this prick again! What the fuck is he doing here!?

"Made in China!" Joxide shouts aloud for everyone to hear, then throws the hat into the crowd of journalists for inspection.

Homer's face goes bright crimson, both in anger and embarrassment. But Homer, used to dealing with high pressure situations such as this, quickly recovers. "Actually, the reason this cap..." but is cut short by Joxide.

Picking up a copy of Eagle Strike IV, Joxide holds it high in the air. "I saw this load of shite in a bargain bin in an Esso garage two days ago!"

This gets a few laughs from the crowd of journalist. Homer has no instant retort, it was true that some retailers were offering this film at a slightly discounted price, yes, but bargain bin!?

Joxide now holds up the small action figure of Homer Cyde, poised and ready for action. With a quick wrist movement he snaps off poor mini-Homer's head.

"Terrible build quality here!" he says and tosses the head at Homer Cyde, hitting him in the chest. Homer looks down at the head on the floor then back at Joxide, a bewildered look in his eyes, as Joxide throws the broken action figure over his shoulder. By pure luck, and to great dramatic effect, it lands in a bin.

"You listen to me you little..."

Ever the antagonist, Joxide responds by raising his voice and interrupting Homer. Poor homer Cyde had clearly never had to deal with 'The Mouth of the South West' before. "That fucking BOOK over there!" he points to the book on Homer's end of the table. "It's not even written by Homer Cyde! Ghost writers! you can tell because "colour" is spelt properly!"

This gets a round of laughing and a few claps from the journalists, now more like an audience at a comedy night than reporters and cameramen. Feeling the good response from his crowd, Joxide laughs himself slightly and presses on.

"Check the names on the back next time you go into Waterstones! I seen one in there today being used as a doorstop!"

More laughs. Joxide was quite enjoying this actually. This was his first public appearance since returning to the UK, and he hasn't been on stage for 10 minutes and already he felt ready to go! Just like old times! Next he picks up a special Homer Cyde branded 'nutrition bar' from the table and holds it up in front of his face.

"And what the fuck is THIS!?" he exclaims. Joxide rips off the top of the pack and takes a bite. After a few chews he spits it out onto the plush carpet.

"Yeugh! Disgusting! Have your shit back!" he says as he hurls the nutrition bar at Homer Cyde, who seems to have had enough of being wound up. He begins to walk towards Joxide angrily. Security stand between the two men but Joxide is undeterred. He raises his hands and utters an insult to Homer, who lunges at him. Joxide backs away behind the wall of security grinning and laughing at the fuming Homer Cyde. As they are seperated and the chaos dies down, Joxide continues.

"Homer Cyde, I like that you can sit here and happily insult your brethren in the wrestling business, all the great wrestlers of times gone past. It's funny because the people you describe with such disdain are the people who paved the way for people such as yourselves to cross over into other forms of entertainment. I don't mean like your book or terrible films though, they're not entertaining at all..." a few sniggers from the calmed-down crowd.

"A typical American. Ignorant and stubborn minded, and a terrible poser. I was going to wait for a while before I came out and issued a press conference but you know what, I've found my match! I'll laugh in your face when you get beaten by the personification of the stereotype you hate so much, and so will the rest of the world... even more than now!" Joxide laughs a little.

"And if I can't find a partner to beat your girlfriend around, well I suppose I'll just have to make it a double dose of an old English ass kicking! What do you say Uncle Sam?"




OOC: Sorry if I didn't quite get the Homer Cyde character right, I'm not too familiar with him, but I'm sure that will change in the coming weeks Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:26 am

"What do you say, uncle Sam?"

Joxide spread his arms wide, milking the occasion and the reaction of the crowd for all he's worth. He hadn't enjoyed himself quite this much in years.

Unfortunately for Joxide, those couple of years away from the ring might just have dulled his natural wrestlers instincts, which include the golden rule of the mat wars - always watch your back.

While Joxide has been insulting Homer, another figure has made his way back onto the stage. Reggie Cyde explodes from behind Joxide, brandishing a heavy steel chair. With murderous intent in his eyes, Reggie swings for the fences and sends the chair crashing down across the back of Joxide's head.

The South West Superstar sees sparking stars as he's knocked silly by the chair shot, stumbling forward in a desperate attempt to regain his balance. Homer, meanwhile, has seen Reggie's appearance and broken through the security in front of him. He pounces on the stumbling Joxide, locks his arms around his waist, and jacks him into the air. Swivelling toward the long desk, Homer viciously powerbombs Joxide right through the desk, sending wood and microphones shattering in all directions.

Bending down to pick up a microphone, Homer squats next to the unconscious Joxide, and turns back to the reporters.

"When this piece of crap wakes up, tell him two things. Number 1, Uncle Sam accepts, and number 2, he better pray he can find a friend."

With that, the Cyde brothers leave the stage, as flashbulbs pop by the hundred.

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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Fri Jan 28, 2011 1:30 am

ooc: btw, nice role-play Jox. I liked that. And don't worry about getting Homer. Just aim for an ultra vain amalgamation of Jack Swagger and Kurt Angle during his most All American days. Physically, think more Brock Lesnar. For Reggie, think Jake Roberts.

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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Fri Jan 28, 2011 3:31 am

Right you are. I'll follow up soon :p
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PostSubject: Re: The 2nd Press Conference   Sat Jan 29, 2011 4:01 am

After a few minutes, the flattened Joxide picks himself up off the floor. As he gets to his feet he stumbles against the wall massaging his back and the back of his head.

"Fuck!"

The crowd of journalists are still there, and now that it appears Joxide is uninjured, the cameras start going off and people are shouting questions.

"Joxide! Are you okay?" shouts the journalist nearest to him.

"Okay!? Do I look okay!? I think I've got a microphone lodged up my asshole!"

Somebody else shouts out.

"Do you feel confident you will be able to secure a partner in time for your match at the Reunion to go against the Cyde's?"

"I've got a few people in mind. I think so, yes" he replies cautiously, unwilling to give anything away. "However, like I said, if I can't find a partner I'll happily give them both a kicking."

A rather daring journalist pipes up.

"How are you going to do that given they just took you out in the space of about 10 seconds?"

Joxide stares at the man then picks up the offending chair and holds it above his head.

"Turn around!" he barks. "And we'll see how well you respond to getting blindsided with a metal chair!"

The journalist backs down and sinks a few rows back into the crowd of journalists and another, less foot-in-mouth reporter pushes is way to the front.

"Joxide! Do you have any words for Homer & Reggie Cyde at this time?"

"Yeah! That fucking hurt you pair of pricks. You'll live to regret it! No more questions!"

Still rubbing the back of his head, Joxide passes behind the curtain that the Cydes appeared from while the group of reporters buzz with excitement.
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